No MrDs since last Thursday he MUST be ill...normally they send him snotty and with the poos....xx
So I have been doing all I do at home at school, plus other stuff as the CT is sick and it is nearing reporting and portfolio sharing time...
At the end of the day the CT went to the doctors and the DP came to visit.....she brought he laptop and a cuppa.....I couldn't make eye contact but she too jumped in a few times to control the class....; [
Mind you the ST deserves all she gets with her comment 'oh Mrs Bates can you do these this afternoon so you look busy when the DP comes in'  
Yep she comes from childcare then a TA now a student teacher that make me cringe....and hands all her work lesson plans, reports and reflections in hand writing never ever typed......x

it could be a rant...

but the best bit was leaving early and going to see my Rock....she asked all the questions about work I wanted to blurt out....and asked all the nice things too....

and I got to baby sit for a little bit while she did pick up....I checked on him 3 times JUST to see if he was awake.....no
Only woke up when mummy and her boobies came home....it was fun to watch the other 3 boys fight and have tantrums and tears with a smile god I miss those days, she looked like shit but will miss them one day too xoox

My Point.........

I received this last night on my new Facebook account.....made me angry now it just makes me laugh ....This is one of the many reasons I am so over FB xox

You don't have to worry about keeping me as a friend anymore, I have given up on us spending any time together and after not getting a text for Dans   Birthday I have taken the hint.

Numb still

I am writing this from the bath.... Over the last few weeks after having the d & c and mirena fitted I have felt very low.... The girlie problems are still there and something happened that made me want to crawl into bed a never ever get out..... LB a massive apology to you I never understood your feelings of 'no more babies' even though I knew after B2 was 3 weeks old and many many visits to the doctors to have all my girlie bits taken out and DA having the snip about 10 years ago I now realise this is it for me....... The Gyno said yes to taking them all out but with my blood disorder try the other thing first as a happy as I was to give it a go and took it in my stride. Until my rock had her baby a boy her last she says ...... I couldn't make myself go and see her I cried every time I got a text with a new angle of his cuteness ..... Then she brought him into work unexpectedly ...... I held it together there but can't anymore that will never be me..... Only 1 other baby has made me feel this way he was born the day B2 started kindy and is now a very big school boy @ B2's school I see him and smile:) no babies in the shop do it I'm ok with them just this little man ..... Still more tears and I don't want anymore children I just have been told I can't !!





Here he is with MrDs on his first school visit xox

have you?

The Starfish Story ...a touching story

While walking along a beach, an elderly gentleman saw someone in the distance leaning down, picking something up and throwing it into the ocean.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young girl, picking up starfish one by one and tossing each one gently back into the water.

He came closer still and called out, “Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?”

The young lady paused, looked up, and replied “Throwing starfish into the ocean.”

The old man smiled, and said, “I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?”

To this, the young lady replied, “The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them in, they’ll die.”

Upon hearing this, the elderly observer commented, “But, young lady, do you not realise that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can’t possibly make a difference!”

The young lady listened politely. Then she bent down, picked up another starfish, threw it back into the ocean past the breaking waves and said,

 “It made a difference for that one.”

 

make a difference today...

closing the Book

A FB friend wrote she is having down time and refocusing on the simple things....after a heated argument yesterday morning when I received another 'I don't think we should be together any more quote' I slammed the bedroom door and woke up at 1.06pm....

I did go on FB and the promptly deactivated my account, I love you ladies like I never thought I would growing up....I know your phone numbers, I know where you live or could if I needed too in a hurry, 

In stead of culling to a bare minimum I am closing the book if something wonderful, terrible or vent worthy happens in our lives Blogger will tell me I am sick to death of over posed photos, family arguments, snippy remarks and damn Tupperware invites!!!!

Not that Mark Z didn't add a great thing to the world he just didn't realise the falseness it can cause.

Oh and I sat for 22 minutes on the phone to my sister instead of looking at each others gifts on FB for a few seconds xox

More than 'nuff said xox at ' 'Elvira's drug store' just so know

in her 10 years of teaching nobody has made her cry.....until me???
sometimes princess is isn't about you and you shouldn't take it personally......your words to me.......projective identification .....google it

'nuff said'

calm

I am a little bit......I have sorted my space in the garage out and have all my resources as they were at school, I WILL take my things I know MRDS uses and I WILL bring them home each day until I am provided with them from the school...(never gonna happen, they are too focused on the CLEVER kids and MONEY) 

Home is the same shit just in different way each day....LOST is how I feel Ms B made the connection and I too  am thinking of making and selling things 1. to fill my time and 2. for some extra money xox

I had a lady (she is my sisters friend who I have connected too but I am still looking over the wall on this one) come and take my drawers plus our other furniture we were giving away, she brought her 4 children over they had a ball playing with my school stuff and cried when they had to go....she is a carer for her hubby and manages to get by seeing the JOY in each day no matter what life throws her way.....

Oh and as for the comments for my free give away I said to myself first in and that's that and inbox message from Mrs Perfect Pictures of Perfect family to say how much she would like it for her FDC and how much she would just love for her little people  .......sorry and nasty I know but if she can afford all she has NO !!!

pain

my pain is so strong and so very real right now it is taking all my effort to try and function normally AT WORK AND HOME ...
I ripped everything down I have put up in the classroom,cleaned all the paint I painted on the windows off and will go back over the weekend to remove my last box....I had a visit from the P @ 7.55 when I arrived ...sweet smiles from me it is the first time he has ever spoke to me, and the 2 DP's made visits during the day lots of whispering and looks but I don't care it is self preservation.

I was asked to do play dough with MRDS my reply was simple I don't have any I chucked it out..... she thinks I am being a smart arse I am not, I am working behind walls that will not come down again.

SLAM!!!!!!!

Valium.......

I was called to a meeting yesterday.....

My job has been with MRDS I go out of my way to do things the teachers (swd, avt, class, etc) then 'we' had a meeting with the DSA and I was to look after MRDS WTF I work with him the most....ayway the DSA has told them a different way.......so in a meeting in front of others my way was talked about...not very nicely, I plan , observer, record and evaluate EVERYTHING........
then they pipe up we need a central location for MRDS' stuff again WTF.........
4 teachers asked if I was ok..??????????????
the CT came back from her very important job in the office to say how wonderful the meeting went......my comment was bullshit you came back because you knew you'd pissed me off and I will do it YOUR way I am after all just a teacher aide....my resources filled my boot yesterday and will continue to do so until they are all in my house.....
You want me to do it your way.....provide the stuff I need and I will...like the SWD teacher said your grandchildren will love you and your stuff!!!!!!!!

luckily I had NC all afternoon the room is back to how she set it up at the beginning of the year and I will go in at 8.15 and leave at 3.......

I was past crying on the way home (my normal release) I was shaking so much I took myself to the doctors..... and walked out with VALIUM......great not sure one day was enough though



so looking forward to today...I wonder how many people will want to 'meet' with me .....and how they will explain the end of his communication book....after all TA's dont talk to parents do they???????????

Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday nights..........fuck me !!!!!!