Vague

I have been very vague about a lot of things of late self preservation....

I have been reflecting ...is it time to move on? I have the standard tears, the shit, fuck, poo bums, the apples oranges and the rest!!!!

So is it time to move on??? I have applied for my AEIOU job again I was in a shitty mood and just did it one morning at some ungodly hour...this time thou it finishes today so I am hoping for a call soon and things to be sorted over the holidays (wishful thinking????) I have a key to the room and a plan in mind.....so come the first day back they will have a refreshed me willing to keep going or a key and letter on the desk....with a thanks but it was time to move on.....

Only those that need to know will know...oh they will be the only admin that doesn't do OS holidays EVERY holiday together P, DP, 3 x teachers...mine being one of them....and while it was fun being in the loop it inst when you are a details person and they are a big picture person...

Living Simply...x

So, I'll tell you all about my little Trailer by the Sea dream.....

yep stinking hot summer, freezing cold winter, bike to ride to town....fresh fish and veg....Halo....no phones (they'd need to write real letters).....

One day for one month I'd love to live like this and never come home xx

Family Ties....

Gosh the tears have started before even starting this post...it is about the shifting connection within our family and our family I mean mine....(nee ??? yep that one)

My childhood wasn't that great I can only remember bits and thru therapy can talk about other bits....for me it was hard, we didn't have a lot of money, we didn't have an extended family just mum, dad, bro, sis and me....my dad's parents came to live in Australis when we were small but that is it, they passed when I was 8 and 16.....so I didn't get a 'this is how you do families', with aunts and uncles, cousins were a million miles away..so as I grew older and moved from home I always made a point of 'doing the right thing' well what I thought was the right thing...visits the day before special events so I could please everyone. Made sure gifts were given at the right time even if they had to be hand made...I had doosy fights with DA a lot of times.....I went on my own in tears a lot of times I came home in tears, but I did it, not for brownie points but for me..... (treat others how you would like to be treated and all that!!!)

so this year my boys have serious GF's....as stated before....these are now included in my life....I tried to organise something with my whole family..... and got mixed answers...fair enough we all have shit on...but when I can see the posts have been read and not responded makes my blood boil FB voyeuristic people are my second peeve!!!!

so I said eff it I'll change my style and shift from nee family to my growing family, I have cut one side of my (and I use that term lightly thanks to marriage) family off....I wont go that far but I will not bother to include and change others to my way of doing things, it hurts too much and I don't want to...if you can't fit me in your life so be it, don't expect me to fit into yours....I have plenty to give around but it is no longer going to be wasted nor is it going to have the opportunity to be abused!!! 

This along with my other 'get to' blogs have kept me away from blogger...my blog is open, my friends and foes can see, again I let someone else's feelings change me and my way....no more change is good but changing your core doesn't work it just cost shit loads in medication...!!!

My baby and HIS car

my baby has a car, he needs a manual and we all drive automatics

 a car that was promised to him if he completed year 12 ( 'I' needed one child to go all the way ), he whinged and bitched everyday he got picked up I want a car, I want a car....turns out my idea of a car and his were well $1500 datto vrs a $15000 VE commodore...and there were LOTS of heated discussions.

Blame for indulging him, blame for starting him off, he is the baby and the baby gets everything.....

So after months and months of carrying on and his 100 hours in 5 1/2 months he got his car...he came home after a day with his mates and told us he had ''lowered his standards'' priceless well not really just a willing to drop it to $10000 ????  he had to save his money which he did, this from a kid that can KEEP money in his pocket and WONT spend it and hand over whatever money he had saved (I did try to get him to spend it so it would cost he dad more but men )....I tried to tell him a car was going to cost him, his car his responsibility's..... still no budge he kept looking and looking ringing and being disappointed, hippy mum kept saying there is car out there waiting for you, it will find you.... (f-off mum)

He got the car, he got to pay transfer fees, rego, road worthy mechanic, insurance  (IN HIS NAME , HIS CAR!!!) , a battery why is it they always died just after you buy them? we gave him $20 for petrol because we felt sorry for him, he has no money, he can't drive it by himself but he can look at a piece of responsibility he has never had !!!! a different way to teach him about life...

Child A had to buy his own car, he does have a $10000 car he saved every penny for..he owns it no dept / loan even from us..he was / is super pissed he had to buy his own (yes he was promised a car if he stayed at school ) he has to pay for his TAFE and every bit of study he does.....yes he does and when he finishes we WILL give him all the money he has paid out for schooling.....a lesson he will learn humble pie he will eat...a learning curve and OUR way of parenting our children, it may not be right in your eyes but we are doing and will do the best we can...x

Dear Children,
LB I apologize for having my phone on silent ( I thought its what all the cool kids did ) and for not having a drink so I could safely take you out at 8 pm to a party where you could drink when you finally got your shit together, I also am sorry for missing your phone calls at 6.28 this morning I'd thought I could have a sleep in since you don't normally move at my house until 10 or

 until you smell food!!!!AJ I also am sorry for not answering my phone after I had come back home and fell asleep, I stupidly thought since you are never home you wouldn't bother to contact me while you finally had the chance to drop all responsibility and enjoy some time away from me.... Who knew in the real world just when I'd accepted the rules they would add new ones to the manual I never received when you were born these are the joys of my morning now DA needs me too

 love mum x
Ps when Halo & I live simply we won't have phone connection x

Young Love

ok here goes....

AJ and Eb are engaged ...they have been since earlier this year x Get up off the floor and read the rest x

he is just 18 she is 16, he is my big boy, he was away a few (6) hours drive away and was texting me like crazy about what he should do, how he should do it (I wish I kept the conversation)

In the end I told him it was his choice, he was a big boy and big boys had to make choices themselves AND face whatever those choices bring....so he asked she said yes a ring was bought, she wears it with al the love and pride we all did !!!

Yes they fight, yes they argue, they both have lived lives beyond anything I have, experienced a different kind of pain, which from memory brings a sweet glow when the good times come along, a passion to embrace the good unfortunately the scares of the past are very deep but now they have each other and that make me  and them smile.

There is a flip side to all the glow, it is called a mother's pain at watching someone else share her babies heart...another woman that they want to see smile at all cost (even hurting and swearing at mum).

The pain is excruciating at times.... the happy face must be put on, I don't want to dampen the newness and excitement for them....they baby sit and I get a little glimpse of what will be if they are blessed...fat chubby babies, cute tears and temper tantrums when they leave (from me)....

for right now they are happy, no planning for 'the day', no planning for 'babies' just enjoying the silly things of squishy photos of faces, late night trips for ice cream at the servo....

who am i to take that away????????????

and it is ok to say NO !!

sit and write

• my baby and his car
• my big boy and his girlfriend
• his girlfriends family
• shifting tides within my immediate family vrs my nee family
• work and moving on
• sick and medication
•  living simply

1/2 hearted

yep about life.....I am sick as a dog have been in bed since Saturday lunch time, both ends letting me know it.
tingling fingers sore throat chest pains.....xxx

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