thorn in my side....

Ok I get I am fabulous, my work is wonderful, the kids love me thrive when I work with them.....

well really I DON'T get it at all.

what I do get is a HOSE from across the 4 schools we work with coming out  to see the acting SWD teacher and them sitting in MY SPACE with all my visuals that I have made talking about how far Mrds has come watching him sign for things, playing with me laughing, knowing the boundaries within the class good and bad, looking thru my auslan book on MY desk!!!!!

The the fucking cheek of the teacher coming back later in the day .....I walk in to her leaning across my desk taking photos of the visuals and other things I have, then moving shit on MY desk to find more.......

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS???????????? When she saw me she nearly fell off the desk, she mumbled she is heading to a meeting tomorrow (today) and the HOSE wanted her visuals??? I told her to take them and show them (they have MY name on the  back) ..........no she said I will need them !!!!

yes I am the little mouse within our school community, I don't talk or put myself out there, I sit quietly and get things done not for me for the kids....but taking my credit is starting to piss me off twice in two weeks.....your pushing your luck or me outta there.

Funk I get it

I work my butt off at school because I want to I do stuff at home for school because it makes my job easier.... I really love my job, working with kids that spit on you swear at you I get it I think I envy them most of the time who doesn't want to scream f off more than once a day?
I have created so many cards to assist in communication with my non verbal friend another teacher took all the credit for it when the specialist came out I was upset that she did that not for the kudos she go but because I did it I have even started to put my name stickers on thinks I make so no body else claims them
The OSHC girl came up to look at my stuff she commented on the cards and set up I have then told me she did some work experience for AEIOU and my little corner looks like akin centre I think I heard my heart break right then .....
Unlike Lee I don't have the self confidence to put my self out there I wish I did !! I wish I could set my mind and just leave closer to home more money less shit more up my ally ....
I have to have my PDR as soon as I make a time I'm scared to go into a meeting normally I have time to walk away from MLF to pee now I don't I have 7 duties a week but I do get my 30 mins a day for lunch
So funk is my word too I wont even go into home only to say thank goodness for quality drugs x

Are you serious

Yep I hid under the doona for two days with the help of my doctor who struggles at times to understand how I get thru the day and night so is it any wonder I struggle too.
I also finally enrolled in my dip of counseling I have decided only I can go forward I really would like to be an art therapist and to do that I need this
When I was away I received a few messages 1 about how wonderful my college is with all her hard work with Mrds another. About replacing me the third how someone has come along and commented about how far Mrds has come nothing from the class teacher not even a reply to my txt
It makes me so motivated to work on my study to open doors for myself

now  for some reason I have torn the family apart...
Nana is up to her old tricks again stealing  money from her house guest, another trip to sort it out...
5 hours later I get told I am the cause of the family divide...well me and my blog.....
are you fucking serious...??? Oh yes, I can see you are funny thou I have finally let go of the in laws and they are now stuck where I used to be .....
lets see how they like it because I am NOT budging this time not ever again!!!
CONTROL FREAKS all of them!!!!

Fucking over it!!!

Omg really over it, I have been waking at night with tingling lips and numb hands !!! Physically I feel ready to snap everything seems to be on top of me I am very short tempered with Mrds and anyone who looks at me sideways. I am not bailing the teacher out or stopping to pick up after her I am doing my job and my job only coming in at 7.45 and leaving at 3.30 to work my ADOs up!!!!
I told DA and all I get is shit back at me.... This is the closest I have got to leaving him I just dont want to put up with his whining and bitching about money the floor being dirty the cat fluff !!!!!
I told him today I feel on the edge his response was to go on and on about a scratch in the wall then about how I could have done it vacuuming and I need to be carful I dont hit the fridge or dishwasher will he care when I am in a mental home ????? Or 6 feet under

and it will.....

20 Things You Shouldn't Tolerate

By Jason Wachob

Have you ever felt that you've been settling for less -- that you  deserve better? You'll want to check out this list of 20 things you shouldn't tolerate from Marc and Angel Hack Life:

1. People who bring you down.

2. A work environment or career field you hate. 

3. Your own negativity

4. Unnecessary miscommunication.

5. A disorganized living and working space. 

6. Your own tardiness. 

7. Pressure to fit in with the crowd. 

8. An unhealthy body. 

9. Fear of change.

10. All work and no play. 

11. People or beauty ads that make you feel inadequate.

12. Not getting enough sleep. 

13. Doing the same exact thing over and over again. 

14. Personal greed. 

15. A mounting pile of debt.

16. Dishonesty.

17. Infidelity.

18. An unsafe home.

19. Being unprepared. 

20. Inaction.

What do you think? 

if teacher aide's said what they think on playground duty!!

all in jest ..well most of the time :)

I hurt my finger.... and you want me to pander to you like your mum? harden the fuck up!!!

They wont let me play.....if you whined like that at me I wouldn't let you play either!!!

What time does the library open at first break? (every Monday I get this from the same kid)

Library? Library? what did I tell you last time, get your note book out and take notes this time !!!

Has the bell gone?......would I be standing out here looking like a twat if it had? No!!!!


Where's your hat? and don't give me the same bullshit you give me every time FFS, if you don't have it next time you will sit under the building now go play somewhere else!!


Stop running!!!!!!  Fuck I have a cheap imported taser  that looks like a phone, don't make me use it!!!!!

can you open this....?  stand there........can you open this?.....can you use your manners PLEASE? THANKS !!

we filled a bag with rubbish (or stalk me waving the bag at me as I continue to ignore them).....if you ask for a gold star you aren't supposed to get one...but ssshhh don't tell anyone I am awesome so I will give you one :)!! 

PROMPT 3

List five songs that will make you feel like dancing or moving your body.

1. Now I Can Dance ....Tina Arena
Just when I wish I was free...!!

2. You Shook Me All Night Long ..... AD/DC
Brings longing...hahahaha !!!!

3. R.E.S.P.E.C.T .......Aretha Franklin

Normally with lots of finger pointing!!

4. Fireworks ...Katy Perry 
Makes me laugh and cry at the same time, I taught MLF this for graduation!!!


5. Old Time Rock~n~Roll..... Bob Seger
Who hasn't tried to do this?? I have shiny wooden floors now :)


xx

Prompt 2.

What is your greatest accomplishment in life so far?

Gosh I am picking corkers...

I struggle with this,,, as most people say my kids...but I don't see having  my kids as an accomplishment, really most females can have children......it is what we were born to do. Yes I understand some struggle with getting pregnant and some fall easier....Then others say marriage but again people do that everyday the world over, on beaches, in church, in Vegas!!!

So I would have to say my greatest accomplishment is keeping the two all together....having kids is easy (for it was) watching them grow and guiding them is the hard bit. I have done the parenting courses, been to see specialists, school interviews and only being told to calm down once by the principal in 14 years is good!!!

Knowing when to jump in and when to hold back is hard I want to do everything for them, I don't want them to know hardship, pain and all the nasties the world brings I want to shelter them....make all the wrongs right!!!! I know that is not helping at all, so standing back and supporting their choices being here as their soft place, holding my tongue, watching them fail is my accomplishment !!!

Next is marriage .....Oh how many times have I been tempted to walk out the door??? Too many to count, when the boys were small I always said I couldn't take the boys from their dad, now that isn't the case we would argue who can keep them in court (just kidding) Yes DA is a prize wanker at times, most of the time I just block it out, I remember going to the doctor in tears saying the disability stuff is doing my head in .....through tears and tissues she asked my what was wrong....then told me as she patted my knee "It's not a disability thing love, it is a man thing!!''

As I watch my boys with their girlfriends (thou one has popped the question and there is a ring ( that is my over sharing comment I'm not ready)) I find the balance of being on their side and the warm and fuzzy feeling of also sticking up for the girls, whispering in their ears about how a man should treat them (yes even if it is my son)....!!!!

I dare say the struggle will always be there, always be nipping at my heels, I know it is a down hill run the balance will shift, new boundaries set....and I will continue being me!!

xx 

Journal Jar Prompt 1.

Write about the saddest good-byes you remember.

wow not sure if this means final good-byes or just you had to say good-bye for a time??

I am going to pick the latter.

I was 16 and had just about finished my 6 week tour of England and Wales with my mum, we had met all the relatives she wanted me to meet and travelled just a little bit ourselves, I had seen London at night, Stonehenge before the tourist trade, we parked in a dusty car park and walked around the stones...no nothing.

I stayed with mum's sister and her dad lived up the road but came down every day. We had a 3 hour drive to the airport in the afternoon...so all day to have that dreaded gut feeling of finality ...

Grandad didn't come to the airport, he said good bye at the house...it was awful in 6 weeks this big bear of a man with very little material wealth gave me so much more, he showed me love, paying for my photos from his mere pension, gave me a trinket from his house on the last day....and stood at the window with tears in his eyes as we got in the car.

I remember his scratchy jacket, his old man smell of classic after shave. I remember my heart breaking for him.

I did see my grandad again, he came to visit me in Australia when I was 18, he was here for my engagement, when I went for driving lessons....
I have since said a final good bye to him.....but can be trasported back in time to the window in a heart beat.

xx

Lost

Having serious over sharing issues.... Think it is time for the journal prompt jar ....xxx