Perfect

We 'our class' has a Thursday teacher, she is the oral language teacher who works with prep-2 I did work with her last year and she was a little distant, the one who told me to go......so she could chat to the other teacher..this year she wants me as her personal PA....FO

I often see her out and about with her family at places like Bunnings and Ikea I make sure if I see her first I go the other way...as I am sure she does too.

She really pisses me off with her favourite saying 'I can't be perfect at everything, and I try too I HATE that I can't be' ......I don't recall me asking but who wants to be perfect at everything all the time????

Not me, I am happy to make mistakes, and learn from them..

She often comments on the way I do things, I have to work at things yes I maybe able to pull a container from under my desk just the right size when you ask, yes I have ingredients to make playdough any colour you want give me a minute..but my life is about seeing the little things that need doing and preparing for them....I don't see the BIG picture sometimes and get over whelmed by little things.

I see and live a simple life I like nice things but I know they will not always make me happy, I long for a time I can live more simply but that is way in the future.....and many then I wont give a shit and I will want a heater not a fire place I may not have choices as I have now...it wont ever be perfect and I can live with that...!!!1

P

Yes one down and one to go...after a FAIL on Tuesday we were told he had to wait until mid July......then a spot became available Friday at 2pm.......I didn't see him until 10  after he picked B2 up..he wants to go to Toowoomba today in the rain!!!!!!

Crazy daze

Yep it must be a fullmoon no one told me about... You can see from FB what a totally shit arsed day I had yesterday but it really started Sunday afternoon the GF's had to be taken home it is a one hour round trip and while they both can drive they need an adult in the car I don't / can't drive at night but will sit while they do... So I asked what time we would be leaving and got "you're the parent you tell me" well my response was not what they expected a very quite "now" as the sun faded my tears started all the way to Jindalee, Goodna and home then the crap on FB from A1 so angry that he can't see past his nose sometimes and it just all came out in a very different way!!! At school we had Cross Counrty where we run around the park across the road I did it last year but for once put my foot down and said no get some lovely year 7's to do it and they were rapped to do it ... And he didn't came last as he would have if I did it !!!!! I am creating a mini room within the room and concentrating on getting MRDS moving forward !!!! I was asked about documentation and showed my style then got a complement on how wonderful that a teacher can stop and created time to plan for him and provide me with the resources I just smiled yes it is even nicer that someone can see it isn't her at all but that was another conversation with someone who sees the whole picture. So I am tired and emotional and can so understand Lee, nearly time for me to have my meltdown too xox

change

oh and it is here too...great!!!!

Roll with it...or get rolled

School is making me reflect alot of things the first day back was prep enrolment and the SWD teacher was there waiting in line to enrol her boy.....after she had finished she came into the classroom to see what we have been up to and left with the comment 'you have had a term to settle in now you must join the class and work' MRDS is non verbal has limited signing skills and a very strong will (no he shouldn't be at a main stream school but after many meetings, he is staying because he can be there and his mum is in denial her words )

over the holidays I set abut making file folders, fine motor activities and bought a sign language book, each day we work to a program I made incorporating some group time with the class and lots of hands on learning for both of us...

Reading group - with class

writing in reading group book (scribble is good)

Play dough while we look at the SL flashcards

Cutting- he loves this he cuts and make a pile on the floor then without direction picks it all up and puts it in the bin (cause and effect )

Outside time with another aide while I work with the year 1 

LUNCH

group time on floor with class

maths - counting to five anyway we can -leading to match things with numbers

fine motor activities

Ipad when I work with 5/6

LUNCH

specialist classes

reading on mat or playing silly buggers on the cushions

HOME

making the program and resources has got me thinking ho much I enjoy THAT sort of work...wonder if I could find work in that direction........ 

Putting on a show...

Yep that is what I feel I am doing at work I hate feeling this way but sometimes shit happens and reality slaps you in the face HARD!!!

My rock SWDT left to have her 3rd baby...while I love she is having little people I don't see her in the mum of little people roll....so I am really struggling with working with one teacher a year the moving on I don't feel like I can build real friendships (they rave I am good with the student then some never even nod in passing)

So while working with my 5/6 class I got the same group of kids two days running, they smiled and said 'yeah' when they knew they were coming with me again....I bought the class Easter eggs and left a note in their room while they were out, thanking the kids for welcoming me into their class and being so well behaved, I don't know how many have stopped me in the play ground to thank me.....some even said they hadn't got eggs from their teacher since grade 1.... 

I guess that is what it is about if you form real friendships in a school community lucky you if not well being polite doesn't hurt either.....

Day 1 and I need to remember I work a year with one teacher.....it isn't about building friendships it is about supporting students.....

Back at it

I realise for the first time I love my job...not just love my job for the good bits (like 10 weeks on 2 off)..these holidays I went into work 4 times, I did work at home because 'I WANTED TOO'....

I realised I am happy even sitting in an empty classroom doing nothing......

These holidays have been a shocker for me, I don't think there has been a day when someone else was in my house sleeping or someone who should have been here wasn't here..in other words it wasn't 3+1=4 it might have been 2+2=4 and that is different!!!! I love having people over I love knowing my boys feel the same way and open their hearts to others they let others in on many levels.. ;] xox

A1's girlfriend's family have drove me nuts....the mum 'ate' elsewhere ...the dad found out, she decided to take SS back to England to live with 5 days notice....nearly killed my boy..then changed her mind who the fuck does that???? so she went on Saturday night 3 days notice to her 3 kids and hubby....then I get a text asking if I can be the mum figure??? I'm here to help anyone but draw the line at playing games lets make that little gem clear from the get go....

DA's and his family are doing my head in big time..I realise Mother's Day is coming up.....SIL makes all the decisions on outing I am waiting for the details on Mothers Day...I am not will not attend so don't ask!!!!!!

Take the boys and add another knife to my heart and not even realise ...

details...

If I could sit with you curled up with a coffee or spread out with a wine I would tell you...

• I have another 'girls' only thing heavy and two weeks after the last one

• My sons girlfriend has just been told in 5 days she goes back to England to live, her and her mum her step dad and younger sister and brother WILL stay here....

• My doctor rushed an appointment for the two growths to be looked at.....

• he also found two spots that need biopsies today..I only went yesterday 

 

I want to go away and walk on the beach at sunset....sit and know the sun will rise the next day and I my loved ones and I will get through these trails

xox

service

B2 Has been away at Easterfest in Toowoomba he came home early in the year with an expression of interest form...I told him if he didn't want to do it then don't fill in the form!!! What would I know? he came home a few weeks later with the permission slip and a request for $50 to attend.

I get the whole need to serve thing it is my life vocation BUT B2 was born on Pancake Day, Christened on Easter Sunday with the brand new Holy Water and everything, something in my heart just said no!!! still I bought a new bag and blow up mattress for him and stocked his bag full of treats....

Each minute he was away was awful....I worried because I realised he didn't take a towel, or shampoo (this from a boy that takes two showers a day and has a hair cut every 4 weeks).

I checked my phone every 5 minutes waiting for a  text, when his GF put on FB I miss you I wrote I did too, a message came about a flat phone being charged and he misses her too...not me...!!!!!

Easter Sunday I went into his bedroom and slept for a few hours....I really missed him it was a special day in so many ways (others don't connect those dots but I do)

we headed to my mum and dad's for lunch and a working bee....the first thing Granny said was ''where is B2, he is the best worker?'' It was only then I stopped and thought, he is giving service to others, no he wont like it but there are many, many things in life we do that help another for no reward....I said '' he is giving service at Easterfest, B2 GIVING to others''.... and it was only then I stopped looking for the text..I knew he was fine, warmish, and so was I......

he wouldn't let me hug him at school but I did get one just before he jumped in the drivers seat (only a little bribe) he is happy, brown and is sleeping like a log.....

He did have a ball, he wants to go back next year not to serve but to be part of the crowd.....maybe, maybe NOT 

For your eyes only

Hi lovely ladies my fb status is a lie but I don't want the world to know.... there is something a little sinister inside my uterus I have to go to the gyno in May for further tests and surgery .


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

FFS FO AM OVER IT ALL!!!!!

Where the fuck do i start..after reading Lee's post I am as fired up as all hell.....

I waited over an hour at the doctors, he is talking hysterectomies !!!!! RIGHT NOW!!!!! without doing tests if what I say is true....um yes 2 maybe 3 days a week I DONT bleed every other day yes and a week of heavy periods with clots the size of my fist!!!!!!plus BP of 160/110

My weekend starts with both girlfriends sleeping over...I have had the sex talk with both boys, both girls each couple separately and I bought condoms......my son is nearly 18 and the other one 16 with a 17 year old girlfriend..I am not stupid!!!!!

DA starts, what's for dinner? no Friday night YOU do it KFC for the kids YOU have done if for the last 10 weeks why ask me now...?????????

I needed to go back to work Saturday to clean up some mess I had left, they ALL wanted to come, two cars two learners....DA speaks very rudely to each one when he sits in the front!!!! short straw B1 gets him....they arrive both pissed and i am NOT picking sides DA gets mad B1 puts his foot down.....simply shut your mouth or think before you open it!!!! FFS

They love my classroom 1/2 class small everything, no one else at school best bit finding $5 note on the floor outside...!!! plus the school pool (no I don't have a key)

the we head to Coffee Club A1's girl is a little rough and has minimal manners, much to DA's disgust he corrects her all the time...(just her very Northern English upbringing) arrogant like him, he can't handle the competition!!!! B1's girlfriend thanks us for the free water pus everything else over and over!!!!

 DONT COMPARE CHILDREN YOURS OR ANYONE ELSE'S LIVE AND LET LIVE!!!!   

Then I got hay fever watery eyes, skin itches I go to bed...... Nana is at the house when I wake.....oh goodie....I go to the shop to buy a carton of XXXX, she pips up it's hers LIKE FUCK it is Nana...she gets that drunk over the afternoon she walks out of the bedroom naked to put her can in the bin......unbelievable..

the next morning she talks about Easter and how she is sleeping here Thursday Friday and we are ALL going to drop her off and staying for a feed with SIL NO WAY IN FUCKING HELL AM I GOING NO WAY!!!!!

So a lazy Sunday in bed I refuse to go anywhere I don't feel well end of story....BUT DA wanted to go to Masters to pay for the fridge so it can be delivered while I am on holidays...Masters is 2 minutes away but I go....chest pains and dizziness but who cares HE wants it now!!!!

I came home went back to bed....woke up had a shower and lemsip .....woke up again at 9 vomited everywhere, he has his face covered with the sheet saying if he smells it I will be cleaning up his sick as well!!!! another shower the quilt and everything else on the floor I was sick on goes in the bin......

I face the other way back in bed...up today for blood test and ultrasound Wednesday........

why does the thought of having my girls parts ripped out and a week in hospital sound so appealing...??

lets not start on MY family

16 days...

The last week has been manic.....I have BP of 110/160 bleeding everyday and a hubby I could put in the weelie bin.......
The 16 days are mine FO I am not going to the coast to drop Nana off...
go yourself I still hate them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!