ouch....

I went to the doctor...I have used all my other scripts from here and there and could put it off no longer..a few days without medication and I am not in a good place..
We had a chat and I got my script, then asked him to look at a spot on my arm (The Man had BSC cut out last year and mine looked similar) no he said all was good then he looked at my hand......
''this is one, and here show me your other hand....yep another one"
Five in total and he stopped looking, I know I have a spot on my face the other doctor called it skin damage nothing to worry about. I showed this doctor..he told me to book a skin cancer appointment and make it within the week.....
He did freeze 5 on my hands, and it hurt !!!! now it looks like I have hot fat splash burns but that is ok I work with year 1/2 boys they will think it is cool....

Monday: B1 turned 16.....college pick up.....guilt at someone else taking B2 for learners.....too tired to make birthday dinner make The Man go for driving lesson and pick up dinner...pose for photos with cake put cake in freezer all to knackered to eat it

Tuesday.....college pick up....birthday cake after can soup for tea

Wednesday.....swimming at school.....TA meeting regarding new EB agreement and hours....staff in tears.....college pick up ROD STEWART home at 12.15 asleep at 1.30 

Thursday......boys all go at 6.30 fight with B2 to go to work not school 'cause The Man needs him ...feel guilty my boys have the weight of the world on them...get call my car is fixed....leave radiator cap half off.......car blows up on college pick up thank gosh it is next to main roads depo ..........carry 600mls container 10000000000 times to fill radiator.....pick up A1 after making him walk 1/2 to shops.........fight traffic...dinner is in a bottle fend for yourselves

Friday.....mother of  Mrds meeting for teacher.....organise reading groups with parents...... rearrange classroom...OCD on over drive......pick up B2 after two texts where am I?.......pick up car and Nana...go to the shops......no dinner again can't be arsed but a few drinks and I'll be fine.....amuse Nana while The Man gets A1 and takes them to KFC at some ungodly hour for their tea......make sure Nana is not TOO drunk....

Saturday.... up when I hear Nana's feet hit the ground.....FILL kettle after it is switched in with 1/2 a cup of water.....do household chores....take Nana home forget keys go back home......car beeps for petrol $180 worth and counting this week......get key.....realise it is not the right one...go back .......get RIGHT key......feed the dog......sort the keys.....go to Bunnings....pick up girlfriend (ask the sleep over question )........go to shop........ go get Nana again.....take B2 to party in the rain and dark......come home dinner ??? no thanks...

Sunday Up at 5 again.....worry cause The Man has taken Nana home and is taking forever......pick up girlfriend again...go to My Dad's for lunch...B2 goes for a drive with Granny...A1 gets car bogged up to top of wheel.....home and straight to shops for ...well I forget...dinner not for me.....bed....

All with that time of the month and no pills cause I didn't have time for the doctors.....or to blog x

ding...

This one is sort of funny now BECAUSE I have left it awhile.....

My kitchen was so close to having cabinets, it was a two day event and the Chippie told The Man he would be a long second day and he would see him about payment on day two...when I got home he had all but done and it was clear that I would have to pay him....it was a cashie job and I had to nip to the bank to get the money...

when I returned home and parked on the driveway he was waiting on the front window lip smiling...

we double checked the price and I handed over the money (of course he didn't have change and I told him not to worry it was all good keep the extra)

Off he went and B1 and I were messing around in the kitchen pantry and fridge space being silly as you do....when the chippie appeared ...it was my go i the cupboard and I did blush just a little at being caught, until he told me he hit the little car on the drive way....both A1 and my car he had just seen me park there were on the drive way...I joking said 'not the little black on?' half expecting a no, but he had hit my car..my car that had 600klms on the clock, the first ever car I have had brand spanking new.....I was speechless, he asked if it was someone else car my reaction was extreme.....so it sat for a few days until I had to sort out quotes and assessments, now it is in being fixed (at the place right next door to The Man's workshop) 

so today or maybe tomorrow I will bring my baby back all fixed and shiny again still with under 1000klms on the clock....

my BABY is 16....

when he was little he always said 'Dad is my Favourite'.....so I sing this song to him


"You'll Be In My Heart"

Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand Hold it tight

I will protect you
from all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry

For one so small,
you seem so strong
My arms will hold you,
keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand
the way we feel
They just don't trust
what they can't explain
I know we're different but,
deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other,
to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always

Humble Pie...

I sat listening to my friend go on and on about having her husband's child from a one night stand over on her wedding anniversary...she was in tears, she didn't want to go home, she texted him and told him she would home at 8pm when ALL the kids were in bed 'their' two as well I couldn't understand how she could be so detached ..she call the ONS child 'the fuck' and even though it is crude and nasty I don't mind telling her essentially that is what we all were....

Fast forward a couple of weeks and due to circumstances we have The Man's mother over every Friday and every other Saturday..she sits out the back and drinks and smokes lots....she can not read or write, she is a woman who got pregnant at 18 and got kicked out of home ... grandad became her life, her refuge, her smoke screen...I would always ask who wrote the cards? yep got the same answer every time....dad don't ask why....!!

If you don't say it out aloud you don't need to acknowledge it ...it goes pear shaped when your enabler dies and you need to do things yourself or have others to step in and fill a very big secret gap....the truth comes out very quickly....

what does this have to do with the first paragraph?   The Man can't help his mum, physically she needs more than he can give....so it is left to me to do...a drunk Nana is not something I want the boys to have to deal with.  Things like taking her beer out of the fridge and hiding cans in my room, because she is so drunk she doesn't realise how many there was or are...taking the cans out of the bin and putting them on the table so she thinks she has had more (the missing cans from the fridge) getting up in the morning to make her cups of tea,  because we are terrified she will hurt herself and entertain her while The Man sleeps.....asking her what she wants to eat from a cafe 3 times and getting a yes answer not a real answer and the death stare from The Man when I go to ask a fourth time....she has no teeth and can only eat soft food and not very gracefully ...so needless to say I feel exactly like my friend having to look after someone else's family member with little or no support and lots of judgement from MY so called support except mine is an in-law..please don't get me wrong I know we have to have her and having her isn't an issue, my husband treating me like the hired help to be at their beck and call is very draining, so draining I found myself at school crying because I didn't want to go home.....

Saturday

I will get 5 minutes to myself to update....

• Eating humble pie
• my car has a ding
• the house 
• work
• family
• friends
• 
  

Life is changing

we nana sit every Friday....plus every second Saturday...and have done for the passed 5 weeks...I will update soon

Yep I have so much to say and am a little fed p of offending.....

comment or message with your if you want to follow.....pls x

Open

This year I am open to doing things differently because it s a whole new time for me....I am employed for my skills and move around the school I have duty and I feel the other staff see me as someone other than MLF 's shadow.

I work with a CT who has come up from p/1 class with MRdd, her aide MissA from last year didn't want to be with him so she asked for a change.....she got it BUT she thought the CT was staying in prep with her......so now I am the evil person who has her CT to make it worse she has taken over from the old aide who is on sick leave and will be for some time...so essentially she has alienated a few people.

The class where I live I have a desk and now beautiful flowers adorn my desk.....the 2DP came to see me and told me  MissA will come when I am not there only 1 1/2 hours p/w.....she visits then anyway and wants to get back in the fold...she will never visit when I am there.

I don't know how I feel last year I went into her class, now she is coming into mine....but I am loving the 'grown up' talks after school ...

Full House

I didn't want to be here when the flooring was laid The Man had arranged for a mate to come over and do it with the B2 .....the the sparky came too with his off sider, mum and dad rocked up to collect the furniture from out the back...my panic was extreme they were all having a go at once...
''put the kettle on''
''where is the single plug?''
'' what else?''
''we need more flooring''
on and on it went with no doors, no power and no where to sit I nearly lost it...until I got a text ''coffee at Orion????''
YES so off I went for a pie and water and a walk around to clear my head...then to wake up Sunday and do it all again...yes the anxiety is still there but I WILL make an appointment today..

Sunday Silence

Different

I am loving my job.....it is a massive change to be working in the lower grades full time..I find it hard not to do things for them..they are so tiny and cute!!!!

Swimming was a treat...how many can rip their school clothes off to and get into togs but struggle with putting that uniform back on? How many pairs of undies do the cleaners find after the lower school swimming lessons?

The joy at doing simple things like colouring with textas is amazing....they look on their faces when we play a new classroom game or they get how many faces on a cube or sphere priceless and something that makes me smile every day.

MrDD is starting to understand Mrs B has expectations and he has taken himself to the loo a few times (awesome)...

The teacher is amazing she is open to ideas and is always happy even when repeating herself many, many times...so unlike the past!!!!

It is a new warm and fuzzy feeling to walk into a room with smiles no matter what time of the day and be thanked for working along side each other not for her....

yes I still struggle with 'have I made the right choice?' career wise the other place has their signs up now and I know it would be lots more money........

It feels right, a good fit .....