In memory of KM

is it me....?

I have worked with my mate most of the year we have had visits from a few 'experts' and others who like to share their own brand of love (and I use that loosely )...so yet another person comes along to see my mate and help guide us in the direction of communication.....

lets go back to May when  lost the plot after one of these visits... accentually she bagged the shit out of all my work and told others to tell me to take it all down and have a blank canvas...I shot the messenger and the relationship hasn't been the same since nor will it ever be....

I wasn't involved in the initial chat, it was a case manger chat...I was asked to produce my mate on cue, produce my folder of a million photos used in communication ......then told to make a strip with '' I want a ...." and a box for one of my photos.......the case manager said yes we could do that, my mate took the folder found the card of him and I gave it to the lady gave me a big hug, put his face to mine for a kiss (never done that before), the grabbed the 'water play' card and signed I want...... all stuff I have been self teaching myself and him to do...... 

the lady left to visit another classroom and the case manger looked at e and said '' are you ok? you look like you are about to cry''

'' No I am not going to cry (here anyway, I do that on the way home) but why didn't you tell her we / my mate and the people who work with him know all she told us?'' 

''because she is new and she hasn't worked with him.....let her see him and then she can guide us...she is bringing someone else to guide her to guide us''

I spoke up...I never speak up......

why are you wasting her time and ours? my mate can do that we NEED him to be able to sit and WORK...he can tell us he wants water play, sandpit, toilet and everything else he needs too!!!!!!

I told her I'd make a sign for me '' I want (his picture) to sit down and work" she laughed, so did I or I would have lost it big time, I gathered my stuff and left shaking my head... 

.......................................

on a post note I received a text from BB early yesterday, a year 9 girl had committed suicide  on Wednesday, according  to those who know, she told her mum she was unwell and mum let her stay home, she text her boyfriend she wouldn't be at school told him she loved him, then overdosed...... her mum and little brother found her after school....heartbreaking.....I ask why would a 14 year old think that was the only way? then I remember me and 14 and ''FRINGE'' lets leave that for another blog post....but I understand fully why...

hug your kids xx

lacking

I am lacking some spark in my job...I love what I do...I love my mate who I spend 90% of my time with, the planning, the work load I love all of it ....

just something isn't right and I don't know what it is....I feel like I am just going thru the motions everyday.

I have tried to put a positive spin on things...tried looking to the future I put it to the universe but still it isn't in my heart any more ...I listen to Usher singing forever is a long, long, long, long time and that is right it is a long time to not feel right each day.. :{

Poke in the eye..

I will never use THAT saying again.....OMG pain like I've never known....

I was all gun hoe ready to go back, I did receive a few phone calls but not the place I wanted so I politely declined and got my shit mentally and physically ready, only to try and close the green waste bin lid at 5am..and cope a palm prong in the eye...I did go to school I stopped four times on the way to be told to go home before my mate saw me..

The doctor put some drops in and instantly the pain went..then he put two more lots of drops in and after the 3rd lot the pain came back slowly , he told me I couldn't keep the eye numb in case I hurt it further and couldn't feel it.

So two days off work and it still aches but its bearable with sunnies on.. my mate keeps taking them off looking into my eyes... :)

My desk and wonderful new resources were where I left them Monday morning, and no data collected...but that will reflect their faults not mine..I have turned a page I am worthy of my job, I have made a difference instead of pretending I don't and allowing them take my credit I am finding my back bone and allowing myself to shine....not sure they like it but self preservation.

I am telling them what I have done and reinforcing my place as his aide  !!! roll on tern 4 xx

for once

 

I am going back ....I didn't hear from the job ...watch the buggers ring this week...I did get an email from a natural childcare centre opening in late 2012 walking distance away, so that may still be a positive.
Using the weekend to start the bibs and bobs I started over the holidays, I am enjoying  my art again and looking at new ways to be mind and body healthy.

I think it may be time to appreciate what I have and embrace that...

Losing myself in Art

Pain

Oh I am so sick of the pain.....I have had bleeding for the most part of the last 11 months. I had a Mirena fitted in May and this was the super duper fit it I needed...BS....

Pain and bleeding continue daily I have been given medication stronger than Panadine Forte and it barely touches it....

So as summer approaches I am to go back in my short skirt and be fabulously cured and have not periods or pain...for the next 5 years.....

I will be honest I am ready to rip it out myself, I am just to fat to bend over and do it!!!! so my friend Dr Google is a minefield of horror stories and stats on pain thresholds,happy endings and every other thing in between, one lady attributes her being unable to walk from autoimmune disease caused by the Mirena ..I wouldn't go that far but it is time to come out and look at the only option I have good-bye girls bits!!!