I sat listening to my friend go on and on about having her husband's child from a one night stand over on her wedding anniversary...she was in tears, she didn't want to go home, she texted him and told him she would home at 8pm when ALL the kids were in bed 'their' two as well I couldn't understand how she could be so detached ..she call the ONS child 'the fuck' and even though it is crude and nasty I don't mind telling her essentially that is what we all were....
Fast forward a couple of weeks and due to circumstances we have The Man's mother over every Friday and every other Saturday..she sits out the back and drinks and smokes lots....she can not read or write, she is a woman who got pregnant at 18 and got kicked out of home ... grandad became her life, her refuge, her smoke screen...I would always ask who wrote the cards? yep got the same answer every time....dad don't ask why....!!
If you don't say it out aloud you don't need to acknowledge it ...it goes pear shaped when your enabler dies and you need to do things yourself or have others to step in and fill a very big secret gap....the truth comes out very quickly....
what does this have to do with the first paragraph? The Man can't help his mum, physically she needs more than he can give....so it is left to me to do...a drunk Nana is not something I want the boys to have to deal with. Things like taking her beer out of the fridge and hiding cans in my room, because she is so drunk she doesn't realise how many there was or are...taking the cans out of the bin and putting them on the table so she thinks she has had more (the missing cans from the fridge) getting up in the morning to make her cups of tea, because we are terrified she will hurt herself and entertain her while The Man sleeps.....asking her what she wants to eat from a cafe 3 times and getting a yes answer not a real answer and the death stare from The Man when I go to ask a fourth time....she has no teeth and can only eat soft food and not very gracefully ...so needless to say I feel exactly like my friend having to look after someone else's family member with little or no support and lots of judgement from MY so called support except mine is an in-law..please don't get me wrong I know we have to have her and having her isn't an issue, my husband treating me like the hired help to be at their beck and call is very draining, so draining I found myself at school crying because I didn't want to go home.....
Both of those stories are really sad. :( The poor blameless in child in #1 and poor you in #2. Talk about burden. Like you say, it's all good if you feel supported in your help.
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