Monday

Many holes will be filled today....

• the hole that is my still bare kitchen
• the hole left by MLF..it is still hard to let go
• the hole that was a bare year 7 classroom ..being filled by a year 1/2
• the hole that a few TA's left by leaving or asking not to work with MrDD

I am so excited my CT is so bubbly and fresh, the SWD teacher is very supportive..

Yeah .....!!!!!

Sunday Silence

pull up a chair...

I have gone from black to red.......so cute x

new chapter

Never done the PFDs if he wasn't there neither was I....

This year I am really employed (I always was but sort different in a way) and start along with everyone else, I am so nervous but excited at the same time, thou with no children as a buffer it is the whole grown up social thing my anxiety is playing up my face is red and scaly deep breaths and lots of positive self talk...

I really didn't think I would be going back, I thought a new direction...I followed my heart and gut lets hope it was the right choice x

wow wee

Yep my FB friends can see what I have been doing...it was a family project that we left until the last minute because we need a functioning kitchen..but circumstances changed that!

I did most of the pulling down (cause I got up early ) then yelled for the boys to get up when I was left holding a top cupboard with a power point in it.... :) while I was standing on a chair!!!! when they did get up it was to lift the things that were tricky to manoeuvre out the door past the furniture under the veranda. a phone call Saturday afternoon tipped the balance on a very delicate situation that needed sorting and sorting fast...but we were helping my dad and mum with their kitchen renovations so the pull of a cooked roast dinner won and we let others sort the stuff via a few long phone calls over dinner.....and wine.

Sunday arrived and we planned for one of us to do the dump runs and the other go and get the rest of the paint and hardware bits.....that didn't happen as once again things were dangling by a thread. The Man left to deal with it and took the boys while I tried to do the tiles......I stopped after 4 because I was pulling a bit of plaster board off. So I did the two dump runs and met the boys back at home just as I was pulling my clothes off to have a shower....clothes back on down to Masters because the boys pulled more that a bit of plaster board off..

A quick measure and rough cut didn't please The Man and he was in a rush to go out again. So B2 and I were left home to do it 'OUR' was aka The Grouch style...because it is being covered up by a stone to ceiling splash back.... we did it together we lots of laughs and fuck The Man's way jokes!!!!!

So today sees me going to collect the appliances (yippy) and more paint then home to finish the painting after I sand the wall down.....

I want it all done today as tomorrow is DND my last day of holidays.....Oh well 11 weeks and I will have some more 

I will be glad to go back to work for a rest.....

Sunday Silence

Kick up the Bum

I went along to the doctor and he asked how I was going?
All good I say, he asks about the holidays and what I have been doing?
The house I say.....painting , ripping up carpet, going to the dump, that kind of thing.....
Doc ''did you go out for Christmas?''
Me ''Yes to my family not to The Man's I didn't want too''.....
Doc ''why not?''
Me '' because I didn't want too''
Doc ''did you meet up with friends?''
Me ''No''
Doc ''Why not?''
Me ''I didn't want to''
Doc ''why not?''
Me ''Just because I had the house stuff to do, and I didn't want to....''
Doc'did anyone help with the work at the house?''
Me ''yes the boys started and I took over''
Doc '' when do you go back to work?''
Me 'Wednesday next week''
Doc "So you have spent the whole holidays working on the house, getting stuff for the house but not doing anything fun for yourself''
Me 'I have my art journal things"
Doc '' with people you don't know and don't have to see?''
Me ''yes , some of them live overseas others in different states of Australia''
Doc '' SILENCE''

I am the highest medication I can be on, my blood pressure is sky high, I am in big trouble and need to take a stand on myself....
I don't do the victim well, I just get on with it, it has to be done, I do it......would I love to live in a perfect world? no I wouldn't my life is what it is and that is that..... if I went on a holiday I have the mother /  carer guilt, if I ask the boys to help me they will (I just don't ask) !!!!
I have high expectations of myself but not of others.....
sweats and panic attacks are a big part of my life.....he wants to do hypnosis....well why not I have done most other things....