relax

I have spent the last two days lying in bed reading trashy books and magazines with awful pains ..
off to the doctor today to get it sorted hopefully...

My revisit

when our wall collapsed last year we called Dave when the insurance man had to come out we called Dave...he stood with me in the pouring rain and got soaked to the skin with me..
we stood together as the rain and tears blurred my eyes as to what the hell was gong to happen next?

This week I can't watch the flood revisits on television, not because I don't want to but because they remind me of Dave I see him clearly when I sit out the front....standing there in the rain.
I talk to his tree out the back, thanking him for all he did and all he gave us...
No I just can't watch....sorry
love bee x

Sunday Silence

Birthday

I tend to celebrate for the here and now when people have passed....

I go to my sisters for chocolate cake on Josh's birthday I don't really do sweet stuff but I don't go for me I go for my sister... (as he would be 18 this year maybe we could do chocolate mudslides instead..just putting it out there)

I bought an ornament for The Man for Christmas in memory of his dad, I bought two trees for father's day both for our garden but one for The Man the other in memory of his dad..

I buy stars in the sky, names in sand and trees in the forest for Josh so there are earthly reminders as well as loving memories.

It was Grandad's birthday yesterday and I told The Man no way was I going to the grave I go for me when I feel I should not because it makes someone happy (live and let live) The Man, A1 and B2 went at 4 with some other family members and did their thing, I went to the beer shop and bought a Beers of the World pack for The Man, you see we always bought that for our dad's at Christmas time....they were always gone before we left and enjoyed to boot!!!

My way of remembering and celebrating is to do something they would do....I gave them and opened one while we sat out the front and shed a few tears......B2 then gave his dad a few more and at 10.30 after a lot of  effort I put a very loud and drunk Husband to bed while being filmed by B2......he only got through 7 of the 10 but he will remember today....and smile 

love e x

and yes dear 63 is very young we all know x

Trade's woman

Haha I had to laugh reading Lee's post....

My life has been all about renovating and because our new kitchen is being installed on the 18th the rest of the house needs painting first, because we are also have new floating wooden flooring put down all the carpets and skirting needs to be ripped up....

BUT The Man, likes to supervise while we do stuff...I have shamelessly let him, A1 and B2 do the other rooms, but the fighting just got too much and I got up from my air conditioned comfort and joined in.....it is fun well until my brains tell my body it is 40, over weight and has muscles under the fat somewhere (yep found more than a few over the last week)

Then The Man starts.....just do it like this......oh you have a run.....did you do it like that......go over that again...(can I stand up and have a look first or better yet finish what I am doing before you rip the shit out of my over enthusiastic attempts? PLEASE??????????)

So our bedroom had it's first coat under the watchful eyes...then they went out.....gosh how much I wanted to flop in the bath with a beer and soak some of the pain away in silence......did I??? No way perfect moment to drag the freshly cleaned roller, tray and edger out and do the second coat while listening to Katy Perry.....until my darling B2 jumped thru the window and scared the beegeebers out of me...lucky I had just finished....until the light hits it and I get my second inspection....

my days in photos

Girls bits.. (warning)

I normally get cramps...left side right side, a week later sore boobies and then..the DND sign is up for about 4-7 days...

This time thanks to the medication for anxiety no cramps, no pain just ''hi, I'm here'' when I LEAST expected it...

PAIN...OMFG I have never had pain like I did, I felt like my inside lady parts we going to fall out of my outside lady parts...and spent the whole day telling anyone who will listen, with a The Man and 2 teenage boys the cross eyed girl cat was it..or the gay Halo while sitting on his blanket marching and sooking, a least he seemed to care!!! Then again he did have that far away look in his eyes....

So while the boys clocked up hours for A1, taking B2 to the coast and to pick up his wheels I went to the shop for drugs.... I have to go to the one a little further away because I go to get my normal medication near home they always ask if I take anything else ??? NO just give me the pills please!!!!!! 

I came home had a wash, put on my extra long maternity pads took 4 pills, text The Man ''if I die don't bury me'' and drifted into peace.....

Then no less than 2 hours later I was looking for a baby in my bed (which would also explain the weight gain) I swear I was in labour.....the pain lasted on and off for hours no heat pack, drugs, alcohol, drugs and alcohol worked...

Then my body responded in shut down mode, I feel drained and can hardly stand straight....thank goodness for public holidays and no money atm home is the best place to be, even if it is in fix it mode 

love bee x